I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
