Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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