Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
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There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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