I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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