A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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