having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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