Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
