i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
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you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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