I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
