I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
