So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
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It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
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He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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