He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I smell like Dick and happiness
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
