Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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