Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
