Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
