If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
