Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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