Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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