I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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