She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
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And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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