I wish my penis had an off switch
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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