i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
