everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
