Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
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i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
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I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.