Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.