Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking