my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
they're like a gay fantastic four
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
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I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
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multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think your dad took our porno
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays