Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.