She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
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I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
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There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.