yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best