3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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