she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week