the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
