yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
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I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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