i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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