And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize