Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
