Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize