Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
