So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She just used a chaser for red wine.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
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I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
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Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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