If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
