Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize