Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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