i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i think i have herpe
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
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She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
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I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?