He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
