Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize