Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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