i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
