Yo dont text me then not text me
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
please come you make the beer taste better
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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