Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
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god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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