I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...