Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.