whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.