Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?