Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm way too hungover for life right now