So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
