u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
