why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
