She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize