btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize