in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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