Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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